


If wishes were trees, I'd be pining for you

by iwillnotbecaged



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-17 10:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13657083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillnotbecaged/pseuds/iwillnotbecaged
Summary: Fives times Steve watched Sam go on a date, and one time he didn't





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Avenue" by Darcy, aka my friends from college. [The album is here](https://open.spotify.com/album/3zhA7oqxhKk69HkbLoyj6p) if you're interested.
> 
> unbetaed, so let me know if you notice glaring mistakes/typos

Steve jogged up the steps of the Brooklyn brownstone, eager to be home. Captain America wasn’t exactly a 9-5 job (and it was definitely easier than trying to scrape together rent money back in the 30s had been), but this week had been more paperwork-filing than world-saving. He was ready for the weekend, and especially looking forward to watching whatever movie Sam had picked for this Friday night.

It turned out catching up on the things he’d missed while he was in the ice was a lot more fun when he had friends to do it with him. Clint was always game to try any new variety of food, and Tony and Rhodey constantly competed to see whose music he would like better (usually Rhodey’s, except for the times when Tony brought him punk records). Nat took advantage of any opportunity to share her insights on the ever-evolving social cues and etiquette of the 21st century, both in person and online. This was often done under the guise of helping him get a date, but he appreciated it all the same.

When it came to movies, all of them had opinions, but it was ultimately Sam he trusted most. They had similar tastes and Sam was much more reliable than the “best of” lists people pointed him to. Why did so many people assume he only wanted to watch historical biopics? Or those “issue” movies about how terrible humans are to each other? They were fine and all — probably well made, as far as he could tell — but movies were supposed to be _fun_. Sam understood that.

He opened the door to their apartment just in time to see Sam coming out of his room in a deep burgundy v-neck sweater and pair of charcoal gray slacks — far from his usual Friday evening movie night attire.

“You look nice,” he said, tossing his keys into the bowl by the door. “What’s the occasion?”

Sam smiled up at him a bit sheepishly. “I’ve got a date.”

Well, that was a surprise. Not that it should have been — Sam had been talking for awhile about wanting to get back out there. He just hadn’t expected it to be tonight.

“Oh yeah?” he asked, hoping that Sam’s fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve had distracted him from registering Steve’s shock.

“Yeah. You remember the guy I met at that conference a few weeks ago?”

“I think so. Miguel, right?”

“That’s the one. He came by the VA a few days ago for a meeting and we got to talking again. It wasn’t a very long conversation, but he seemed cool, so I figured why not? If I can be an Avenger, I can ask a guy on a date, right?” Sam elbowed Steve jokingly.

“Absolutely,” Steve said, elbowing him back. 

“Sorry for bailing on movie night. I got _Rush Hour_ all set up for you, though — you’re gonna love it.”

“Oh, cool. And don’t worry about it — being left alone on a Friday night while my friend goes on a date isn’t exactly new for me.”

Apparently he hadn’t hit the light-hearted tone he was aiming for quite right, because Sam’s smile dimmed and he tilted his head at Steve. He smiled and changed the subject before Sam could think too much about it.

“Where’re you guys going?”

“I’m gonna take him to that Vietnamese place on 8th.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? The one with the terrible service? For a first date?”

“Yep.” Sam grinned. “Best way to find out about the real person underneath the first date facade is to see how they act when service is bad. If they roll with it, things might work out. If they act like an asshole, I don’t have to keep wasting my time.”

“That’s brilliant.”

“I know,” Sam replied, pulling at his cuff one last time and reaching past Steve to grab his keys.

“Might want to tone down the cocky attitude a bit there, Sam. It is a first date after all.” Steve opened the door for him.

Sam stepped through, and then turned, hands spread out to his sides. “It ain’t cocky if it’s true.”

Steve laughed along with him at that. “Go on, get out of here.” 

Sam headed down the stairs and Steve closed the door. He changed into more comfortable clothes, then went to look for some dinner. There were leftovers in the fridge and a couple of pizzas in the freezer, but nothing looked good. He threw together a few sandwiches and settled into the couch in the living room. He pulled up the movie Sam had picked for him and read the description, but he didn’t push play. Sam was right — it sounded like something he would like — but he found that he wasn’t really in the mood. He turned the TV off and picked up his book instead.

It was only a couple of hours later when Sam returned and flopped down next to him with a sigh.

“That good, huh?”

Sam pulled one of the throw pillows over his face and groaned.

“Was he rude to the waiter?”

He lowered the pillow and leaned his head back. “No, he wasn’t, which made me happy because I thought he was a really cool guy. Until we got the bill and he started talking about how he didn’t believe in compulsory tipping, so he didn’t do it out of protest.”

“What is that kind of protest supposed to accomplish? It’s not like the staff losing tips is gonna make restaurants suddenly start actually paying them.”

“Exactly!” Sam replied. “Anyway, I called off the after-dinner drinks after that and now here I am.”

Steve reached over and rubbed the spot on the back of Sam’s neck that continually bothered him. “Sorry, Sam.”

“Thanks.” They sat in silence for a while. “It is what it is. Can’t expect to hit a homerun first time up to the plate. How was your night? Did you like the movie?”

He turned toward Steve, and Steve pulled his hand back to rub the back of his own neck. “Um, I didn’t actually watch it? Sorry. I was going to, but I got distracted.” He held up the book in his other hand as an excuse.

“That’s cool — it’ll be fun to watch you watch it. You wanna watch it now? It’s still early.”

“Sure.” Steve shrugged, replacing his bookmark and setting the book on the end table.

“Excellent.” Sam started the movie and relaxed back into the couch. Steve really was sorry Sam’s date hadn’t worked out, but when Sam burst out laughing a few minutes into the movie, he couldn’t deny that this was a much better way to spend his Friday night than reading his book alone.


	2. Chapter 2

The next weekend they stayed in Friday night, but Sam had a date on Saturday with a woman he met on Tinder.

“You should try it,” Sam said as he finished making sure his goatee looked perfect. “It really isn’t all weirdos and anonymous hookups.”

It was an argument Steve had had many times, and he wasn’t about to change his mind now.

“I know that. Natasha was very adamant about showing me all the incredibly normal, not creepy people on there the last time she attempted to create a profile for me. But no thanks.”

“Aw, come on! It could be fun — we could double date!”

Steve grimaced at the memory of past double dates, of standing awkwardly to the side while Bucky charmed both of the girls, of walking home alone after “his” date had found someone to dance with who didn’t have to stop and wheeze a bit after every song.

“Seriously, Steve. Even if you’re not into the romantic thing, you’ve got to be getting sick of only hanging out with me.”

“I don’t only hang out with you!” Steve protested. 

“Other Avengers don’t count either,” Sam cut him off before he could continue.

“Whatever,” Steve grumbled. “I’m fine with the friends I have. And I could never get sick of you.”

Sam laughed and slapped him on the shoulder as he moved past him and out of the bathroom. Steve hadn’t exactly been joking, but he laughed along anyway.

“So where are you taking this one? The Vietnamese place again?”

“Nah, she picked this time.” Sam shrugged into his jacket. “She wants to go to karaoke.”

“Karaoke?”

“Yep.”

“Add that to the list of reasons not to find dates on the internet.”

“Nah, it’s cool. She’s probably doing the same thing I do — she wants to see if I can let loose and have fun, or if I have too big of an ego to risk humiliating myself.”

“Does everyone test their dates like that these days?” Steve wondered whatever happened to some food, a few dances, and a bit of conversation.

Sam just shook his head at him. “I love that you think people weren’t testing their dates back in your day. No wonder you never had much success.”

“Shut up, asshole.” Steve shoved him towards the door. “Get out of here before you’re late.”

*****

Steve didn’t have to sit home alone that time because he’d already made plans to grab dinner with Sharon. 

(It wasn’t a date, no matter how much Natasha seemed to want it to be. They were friends. If Natasha was so enamored with Sharon, _she_ should just go ahead and date her already. He was pretty sure Sharon would be up for that.)

“So where’s your better half tonight?” she asked him after they had ordered.

“Huh? You mean Sam?”

Sharon chuckled. “Who else would I mean? You two are practically attached at the hip.”

“We’re roommates. And coworkers. And friends. It would be weird if we didn’t spend a lot of time together.”

Sharon smirked. “Mmmhmm. You sure you’re just friends?”

Steve groaned. “How many times do I have to say it’s not like that? He’s on a date right now, for fuck’s sake!”

“He is?”

“Yeah. He’s going to sing karaoke with a woman he met on Tinder.”

“Huh.” Sharon took a bite of her food, considering him carefully.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she said. “I’m just a little surprised.”

Steve bristled. “Surprised that Sam is on a date? Why? People love Sam.”

Sharon waved him off. “Oh no, I know that. Sam’s great. I just didn’t realize he was actively looking right now.”

“It’s pretty recent,” Steve said. He dug back into his food, unsure why he had responded so strongly to the idea that Sharon thought Sam wouldn’t be able to find a date. Before he could think about it too much, though, she blindsided him with another question.

“Are you interested in romantic relationships, Steve?”

His head popped up, eyes wide. “What? Of course I am. Why do people keep asking that?”

“Whoa, sorry!” Sharon put her hands up. “Didn’t realize it was a sore spot.”

“It’s fine,” Steve mumbled. “Sorry for snapping.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sharon reassured him. “You know it’s okay if you’re not, though, right? You know that’s a thing?”

He exhaled loudly. “Yeah, I know that’s a thing. I’ve been to just as many SHIELD sensitivity trainings as you have.”

“I doubt that,” Sharon said, smiling. “I definitely got a head start while you were still in the ice.”

“I don’t know; those first few weeks were basically one giant sensitivity training, so I might have you beat on sheer number of hours.”

Sharon raised her glass and tipped her head, acknowledging his point. “Still. You and Bucky are pretty adamantly platonic and Nat has given you plenty of opportunities and now Sam is going out on dates, but you still don’t seem very interested in pursuing anything.”

Steve shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve had offers. I guess I just never know if the people offering want me, or to say they went on a date with Captain America.”

“I get that.” Steve doubted she really did, but nodded anyway. “No one likes being objectified, Steve. Well, maybe a few people do, it’s probably a kink or something. But wanting to be known for who you really are and not just what’s on the outside isn’t all that unique a trait.”

“Yeah, you might have a point,” he conceded. He twisted his fork in his hand. “I guess it just hasn’t seemed all that important. I was so lonely when I...woke up...so purposeless. Now I’ve got the Avengers and friends and a full schedule, so it hasn’t really felt like something I need to fix.”

“Makes sense.” She smiled at him, and he knew she really did get it. How the idea of it could be nice, but the lack of it wasn’t pressing enough to lead to specific action.

Sharon deftly steered the conversation back to lighter territory. “Anyway, karaoke? Really?”

“Apparently it’s a test of some kind?” he told her. “You people and your weird 21st century ways.”

“Oh, fuck you, Steve,” Sharon laughed. “I know you’re not actually a 90-year-old man. I’ve seen your Instagram, remember?”

“My Instagram is classic and tasteful!”

“Your Instagram is gym selfies and pictures of food.”

“Exactly! Classic!”

They both laughed, and continued that way through the rest of the meal.

*****

The next morning, Sam stumbled into the kitchen while Steve was cooking breakfast. He collapsed into a chair and flopped over the kitchen table with a groan.

“Rough night?” Steve asked cheerily.

Sam groaned again and Steve laughed, but slid a coffee mug in front of him.

“Oh, bless you,” Sam said, curling his hands around the mug and taking a sip.

“So were you drinking because the date was good, or because the date was bad?”

“First one, and then the other.” Steve waited for him to continue, and Sam sighed. “It started off really fun — Teresa was hilarious and we sang ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’ and I was really feeling it. And then her funny comments about the other singers became less funny and more mean.”

Steve raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing bad enough for you to go give her a lecture or your disappointed eyebrows or anything, so stop looking at me like that. Just...really negative. It got really grating after a while.”

“You think you’ll give her a second chance?”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe? Not sure she’ll want one; I think I was pretty standoffish by the end of the night because of it.”

“Didn’t get a goodnight kiss then?” Steve teased.

“Nah, just a quick hug.”

Steve clapped him on the shoulder. “Better luck next time. You want some toast?”

“Sure, man. Thanks.”

“No problem.” Steve pulled out a couple of slices of bread and popped them in the toaster, trying not to think about the wave of relief that had crashed through him when Sam said he hadn’t kissed Teresa.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to baggijaggi on tumblr for the great date idea!

Sam did have better luck next time; he came back from his date with DJ full of smiles and practically giddy with excitement. Nat and Sharon were at the apartment when he came home and pounced on the opportunity pump Sam for all the information on his date.

“They’re so cool, y’all. I’m a fucking superhero and I think DJ is cooler than me.”

“The real question,” Sharon said, with mock seriousness,” is if they’re cooler than DJ Tanner.”

“Blasphemy!” Natasha cried. “No one is cooler than DJ Tanner!”

Sam laughed. “This DJ is. They’ve travelled all over the world —” (“Who hasn’t?” Natasha scoffed) “— and wrote a book —” (“But is it any good?” Sharon teased) “ — and now they work at the Goddard Institute for Space Studies researching solutions for climate change.” (“Space studies?” Steve asked.)

“And do you know where they took me?” Sam continued despite all their interruptions. “To a _raptor rehabilitation center_. They have a friend who works there and gave us a behind the scenes tour. I got to pet a baby falcon!”

“Ooo, is there a picture?” Sharon asked, practically clapping her hands with excitement.

“Of course there’s a picture!” He pulled out his phone and Nat and Sharon both leaned in and cooed appreciatively.

Steve was pretty sure he had never heard a noise like that come from Natasha, so he leaned it to look at the picture once they were done. Sam was holding a bird in his hands, looking at the camera with a beaming grin. Steve swallowed at the obvious joy on his face, both at the experience and at the person he was looking at behind the camera.

“That’s a great picture,” he said, voice coming out a bit creaky.

Sam flopped back onto the couch, phone still in hand. “I’m gonna make it my profile pic.”

“So I guess DJ’s gonna get the elusive second date, huh?” Nat asked.

“Absolutely. They said sometimes things pop up at work, but they mentioned a really awesome trivia night and said they would text me the details later this week.” He tapped his phone against his leg and then laughed, shaking his head. “I feel like a total teenager, but that was the best date I’ve been on in _years_.”

“Well, I hope it works out,” Sharon said, patting Sam on the shoulder. “I think I’m gonna head home. Some of us have to get up early and actually work tomorrow.”

“Hey now,” Sam objected. “We offered you a spot on the Avengers. You’re the one who decided to stay in that boring liaison position.” 

“Just because it’s not insane doesn’t mean my job is boring.” Nat raised an eyebrow at her. “Okay, fine, sometimes it’s boring. Still better than all the messes you guys get yourselves in to.”

Sharon picked up her bag and headed to the door. 

“Hang on, I’ll walk out with you,” Nat called after her. She leaned up to give Steve a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for a lovely evening.”

“Mmhmm. Get going,” Steve said knowingly, jerking his head slightly in Sharon’s direction.

Natasha narrowed her eyes and gave him a look that would make most men wet themselves, but he knew she didn’t mean it. He just smiled at her until she rolled her eyes and followed after Sharon.

Sam was still taking up the entire couch, so Steve sat in the armchair instead. They sat for a while, Sam playing with his phone and Steve staring out the window at the neighboring buildings (the view would have been better if he had taken Tony up on the offer to live in the Tower, but he and Sam both preferred the brownstone).

“You’ve been quiet tonight,” Sam said, dropping his phone onto the coffee table next to him.

“Have I?”

“Something on your mind?”

“Nope.” Steve smiled at him. “Guess I just don’t have much to say.”

“Huh.” Sam shifted into a seated position and stretched, joints popping. “Well, turn on the news and I’m sure you’ll have something to say in five minutes or less.”

Before Steve could even protest, Sam was up and walking past him, patting him on the shoulder on his way. “Good night, Steve.”

“Good night.” Steve went back to looking out the window, but he didn’t wait too much longer before deciding to turn in as well.

*****

Steve got back to the apartment after a hospital visit to find a very frustrated and upset Sam. He had gotten a short text from DJ on Sunday confirming that trivia night was on Wednesday; they were going to hammer out the details later, but now it was Wednesday and Sam hadn’t heard anything from them.

He was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, face visible and one foot sticking out, but otherwise nearly hidden from view. Steve sat next to him and pulled the exposed foot into his lap, wrapping his hand around the soft skin of Sam’s ankle.

“Haven’t heard from DJ?”

“No. They just disappeared. Hell, they even deleted their Facebook.”

“How do you know?” 

“I checked, because apparently I’m a creepy stalker like that.”

“Sam,” Steve said, a soft admonishment in his tone. “It’s not creepy to want to know what happened.”

“If you say so,” Sam grumbled. He burrowed further into his blanket and fiddled with the edge of it. “That’s the thing that’s bugging me — I don’t know what happened. I mean, it wasn’t the greatest date in the world, but I thought we had fun. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“Probably nothing. They probably have other stuff going on that has nothing to do with you.”

“Maybe. But I’ll never _know_. That sucks.”

“It does.” Steve continued rubbing his thumb against Sam’s ankle.

Sam looked at him, an exaggerated pout on his face. “Will you make me some hot chocolate?”

“Sure.” He smiled softly, gave Sam’s ankle a final pat, and stood up.

“Make it the way I taught you!” Sam called after him as he headed to the kitchen. “None of that powder packet shit!”

“Alright, alright.” Steve pulled out the fancy chocolate shavings Sam kept in the back of the pantry for times like this. Under his breath, he added, “Not that it actually makes that much of a difference.”

“I heard that!”

Steve brought two mugs of hot chocolate over the couch, along with a box of thin mints.

“What? It’s not cookie season!”

“I may have hidden an emergency stash for just this kind of occasion.”

Sam tore open the sleeve of cookies and bit into one, groaning at the taste. “I love you, man. You’re the best.”

Steve watched him finish the rest of the cookie and immediately fish out another one. He knew it probably wasn’t permanent, but for at least a few minutes he had managed to turn Sam’s frown into a smile. It pleased him more than he expected to have been able to do so; it made him want to keep doing it.

“Want to watch _Coming to America_?”

Sam looked over at him, mouth still full of cookie crumbs. “Oh my god, yes. That’s exactly what I need right now.”

“Great.” Steve smiled to himself and turned on the TV.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's so short, but I really needed to get _something_ posted.

Sam kept going on dates and Steve kept watching him go. His stomach tied itself into knots every time he watched Sam go and then he would spend the evening bouncing from activity to activity, not able to focus on anything and not wanting to leave the apartment and risk missing Sam’s return. And every time Sam came home alone and gave him that wry smile that said “better luck next time,” his insides would unclench and he would sag with relief.

Falling in love with Peggy had been like getting hit over the head with a frying pan. It had been sudden and momentous and one of the very few things he had been sure of during that crazy time.

This wasn’t the same. This had been slow; water coming to a boil, a tree sending down roots until they spread out all over, entangling with the soil until the only way to separate them would be to rip them out. Even so, it was love.

Somewhere deep down, he’d known for a while. Steve wasn’t an idiot; he knew what it meant when Sam’s phone buzzed and his gut twisted, when Sam looked down at it with that sweet smile and his lungs felt like his asthma had returned.

Now he just had to figure out what he was going to do about it.

*****

Natasha approached him while he was pounding on his third punching bag of the day (Tony had created some nearly indestructible bags for him, but sometimes he needed the outlet of destroying one of the old ones).

“I heard Sam’s going out with Leila again on Friday.”

“Yep.” Steve hit the bag with a combination, enjoying the feeling of the reverberations running through his arms.

“This’ll be the third date, huh?”

“Yep.” He spun and kicked the bag, rattling it on its hook, but not dislodging it.

“Good for him. You know what they say about the third date.” Nat wiggled her eyebrows at him. Steve didn’t respond, just punch the bag so hard that his fist sunk into the middle of it.

He pulled back and watched the sand spilling out onto the floor. He considered hanging up a fourth bag, then thought better of it and sat on the bench to unwrap his hands.

Nat stood in front of him. “So you finally figured it out, huh?”

Steve sighed. “Yeah.”

“You gonna do something about it?”

Steve dropped the tape and leaned his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know. He’s going out with Leila again, yeah, but the one he was most excited about were DJ and I...I’m nothing like them.”

Nat crossed her arms in front of her. “No, you’re not.”

“Gee, thanks.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“That’s a good thing,” Nat insisted, punching him in the shoulder. “That guy was an asshole who ghosted Sam. And sure, he had all those great stories and accomplishments, but all that stuff is superficial. It looks good, but I bet once Sam had gotten under that surface layer, he would have thought differently.”

Steve pressed into a bruise on his knuckle that would be gone in a few minutes. “You can’t know that. You never even met the guy.”

Now it was Nat’s turn to roll her eyes. “No, but I’ve met you. And I watched Sam wait for you to figure out what the hell you wanted until he decided he needed to go ahead and move on.”

“Wait, what?” Steve’s head snapped up. Was she saying that Sam was interested in him? Joy began to bubble in up in him, until he processed the rest of what she had said. “So I’m too late? He’s moved on?”

Nat shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. But you’ll never know if you don’t try.”

*****

Steve was stuck at a press thing when Sam left for his date on Friday, but he was back in the apartment when Sam returned, earlier than would be expected for a date that had gone well.

“Back already?”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed, collapsing onto the couch next to Steve.

The reckless, impulsive part of Steve was shouting at him to take his shot, to confess everything then and there, but thankfully the more rational part of him prevailed. From the look on Sam’s face he wasn’t exactly in the frame of mind for any sort of grand declarations at the moment.

“You want to talk about it?” Steve asked instead.

“Nope.” Steve waited, but it didn’t seem like Sam was going to offer anything else.

“Want me to put on one of those dumb movies with lots of cars and explosions?”

Sam finally looked over at him then and forced a small smile. Steve thought his heart would break at the sight. “Yeah, okay. That sounds good.”

Steve picked something flashy and mindless, then got up and grabbed them a couple of beers. They didn’t say anything else until Sam turned to him about 20 minutes into the movie.

“Thanks.”

Steve turned to look at him, giving him a smile that he hoped came across as kindness more than pity. “My pleasure.”


	5. Chapter 5

Steve spent a lot of time that night thinking about what he might say to Sam, but before he had the chance to decide on anything, much less say it, they got called in for a mission.

It wasn’t their usual kind of thing — Harlem had its own protectors who didn’t exactly need help from the Avengers — but Misty Knight and Luke Cage had been turning over a few rocks and a Hydra cell had scurried out from under one of them. Sam still had some connections to the neighborhood and Steve had worked with Luke once before, so Sharon called them in for a combined mission.

They worked well together, finding Hydra’s new base thanks to Misty and Luke’s vast network of information sources, then moving in quickly to capture the leaders and retrieve any available files that might help them uncover other cells or any nefarious plots Hydra had in the works. They made an efficient team — Misty and Steve coordinating strategy beforehand, Luke taking point as they moved in, Sam rounding up any of the little cockroaches that managed to get past the others — and the mission went off without much of a hitch (there was that one moment when Steve almost got pinned without his shield, but thankfully Misty was there to toss it to him and save his ass).

After the debrief, Steve confirmed his dinner plans with Sharon for later in the week, then turned to look for Sam. It may not have been a hard mission, but he hadn’t slept much the night before and he was ready to head home. He scanned the room, eyes catching on Sam talking to Misty, leaning into her space slightly with a flirty smile on his face.

It wasn’t like Steve hadn’t known Sam could turn on the charm; it was just that apparently he had never seen it on full blast. It was turning Steve into a pile of mush from across the room, and while Misty was definitely playing it a lot cooler than he was, she didn’t seem to be completely immune to it either.

He watched as they pulled out their phones and exchanged information. Sam laughed at something Misty said and then Steve had to get his face under control because Sam was heading his way.

“You ready to get out of here?”

Steve swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Yep.”

Sam tilted his head and looked at him. Steve averted his eyes, pretending to check that he had everything he needed. 

“You okay?” Sam asked.

“Yep.” Steve made brief eye contact and smiled. “Just tired.”

Sam must have been satisfied with that because he didn’t say anything else, just followed Steve outside and to the subway. They could have gotten a ride from SHIELD, but they both preferred the longer commute after a mission; it was a surprisingly good way to decompress.

They were almost to their stop before Steve spoke again.

“So I saw you talking to Misty after the debrief.”

“Yeah.” Sam’s grin was a bit wistful and a bit starstruck. “I kinda can’t believe she agreed to go out with me.”

Steve nodded at the confirmation of his suspicions. “Well, she’s a smart woman. I’m not surprised she knew better than to pass up that opportunity.”

Sam knocked him with his shoulder. “Oh, shut up. You’re gonna make me blush if you keep saying things like that.”

“I can’t help it — it’s the truth.” He placed his hand over his heart. “And as Captain America, it’s my sacred duty to always tell the truth.”

Sam cracked up at that. “Man, I can’t believe I actually used to think you were serious when you said shit like that.”

“Sam, I’m always serious about the truth,” he continued in what Bucky had always called his radio announcer voice. “Honesty is nothing to joke about.”

Sam laughed again. It lit Steve up inside to hear it, but at the same time he couldn’t ignore the knife twisting in his gut when he remembered that Sam had laughed with Misty the same way.

“So when are you and Misty gonna go out?” Steve really never had an instinct for self-preservation.

“Saturday. We’re going to a club that has salsa dancing. There’s a brief lesson at the beginning and everything.”

“Sounds...fun.”

“Liar.” Sam shook his head. “You would hate every minute of it, Mr. Honesty.”

“Good thing you’re not going with me, then,” he said, before he could think better of it.

Sam’s brow furrowed slightly, and he paused before he answered. “Yeah. Good thing.”

*****

“She’s just so great, you know? And she totally gets the job stuff — how unpredictable the schedule is, all of it. It’s really nice to not have to worry that she’ll think I’m playing games with her if I have to cancel a date or anything.”

“That’s really great.” Steve had been listening to Sam talk about Misty and how much he liked her for at least half an hour. He thought he was avoiding being a completely terrible friend, at the very least, but he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. The serum hadn’t exactly given him emotional fortitude that matched his physical endurance.

It didn’t seem like Sam noticed his discomfort, though. Small blessings, he guessed. Except now he was listening to all of Sam’s plans for their next date. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he shot a prayer of thanks up to whatever God might be listening.

“It’s Sharon. She wants me to come in and look at a few of the files from the Hydra base up in Harlem.”

“You want me to come with you?” Sam started to get up from where he was lounging on the couch.

Steve waved him off. “No, it’s fine. You stay here and continue basking in the joy of your awesome date.”

Sam lay back down and put his hands behind his head. “Alright then. Don’t mind if I do.”

After his meeting with Sharon, Steve went down to the SHIELD gym to take out his feelings on a punching bag or four. 

“Back again?”

Steve didn’t answer Nat, just kept punching the bag. She came over and held the bag steady for him. His arms were finally feeling tired, but it wasn’t doing much to help the swirling thoughts in his mind. He slumped forward, pressing his forehead into the bag with a groan. It didn’t even budge under his weight with Nat holding it.

“I take it Sam’s date with Misty went well?”

He nodded.

“And he’s really excited about it?”

Another nod.

“And you’re dramatically pining because you think you missed your shot?”

“Fuck.”

Nat let go, but caught his arm before he stumbled and led him over to the bench. She pulled his gloves off and started unwrapping his hands.

“I can do it,” he protested.

“I know.” She didn’t let go of his hands.

“Fuck,” he said again. “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re really not.”

“Yes, I am. I didn’t see what was right in front of me, and now it’s too late.”

“Steve, look at me.” He did. “Maybe it is too late. Maybe you did miss your shot.” His head dropped again, but she forced it back up gently. “Or maybe it won’t work out and you’ll get a second chance. But in the meantime, you have to figure out how to deal with it.”

He sighed. “Like Sam did?”

“Like Sam did,” Nat agreed. “This isn’t something you can fix. It’s out of your control.”

“I hate when things are out of my control,” Steve grumbled.

Nat laughed softly. “I know you do. Sorry.” She stood up and threw away the wad of tape she had unwrapped from his hands.

He watched her, leaning back on the bench. “Hey, Nat — do me a favor?”

“Maybe.”

“Don’t miss _your_ shot?”

Nat’s eyes narrowed slightly, the only sign of discomfort she let show. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Call her.” 

Natasha crossed her arms and looked away. 

“She’s nice,” Steve added pointedly.

Nat gave him a wry smile and dropped her arms. “Get out of here. You stink.”

*****

Steve tried to stay positive, to focus on how much he enjoyed being Sam's friend and roommate. Tried to convince himself he didn't need anything more than that.

Sam and Misty went out a few more times, and then one night Sam didn’t come home until the next morning. Steve was in the kitchen when he came in and leaned against the counter with a beatific smile on his face.

“Good night?” Steve asked, trying to smile back at him. He should be happy for Sam; he _wanted_ to be happy for Sam.

“Yeah,” Sam said, a small smile on his face, the kind people got when they were thinking about a treasured memory that was only sad because it was over. “Yeah, it was a good night.”

He didn’t say anything else, just headed down the hall to his room. Steve listened to him moving around, starting the shower, and finally let his heart shatter.


	6. Chapter 6

Weeks passed, and Steve’s heartbreak dulled a little. Despite his own disappointment, he found that he couldn’t begrudge Sam his happiness. Sure, he wished that he could be one putting those smiles on Sam’s face, but Nat was right — there wasn’t anything he could do about it now.

Steve had had a lazy couple of days and was just finishing the dishes that had piled up in the sink when Sam came home from a date much earlier than expected.

“Hey, Sam,” he said, drying his hands. “Thought you were staying at Misty’s tonight?”

“Yeah, so did I.” Sam’s voice sounded raw and tired, and Steve watched him as he sank into the couch without even taking off his jacket. He pulled a bottle from the cabinet next to the sink and poured Sam a couple of fingers of whiskey, then brought the glass over and sat next to him on the couch.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.” Sam took a drink, then grimaced. “Maybe.” 

He studied his drink for a while, then sighed. “Apparently I’m emotionally unavailable.”

Steve was confused. If Sam was emotionally unavailable, what was he? Emotionally extinct?

Sam traced a finger around the rim of the glass. Steve thought he should probably say something, but nothing came to mind. They sat together on the couch in the dim lighting until Sam finished his drink.

“You want to watch a movie?” Steve asked when Sam leaned forward to set his empty glass on the coffee table.

“Nah, I think I’m just gonna go to bed.” Sam stood and stretched. He picked up his drink, then turned to Steve. “Thanks, man.”

Steve looked up at him. “For what?”

Sam shrugged. “For being you.”

He still looked so sad that Steve started to stand, not sure what exactly he was going to do, but unable to ignore the urge to move closer. Sam waved him off though, and turned away.

“Good night, Steve.”

“Good night, Sam.”

*****

Steve was surprised to find Sam in the kitchen the next morning when he got back from his run, cooking breakfast and singing along to a Temptations song. He watched him for a few minutes, then gave himself away when Sam did a spin in front of the stove, making him laugh.

“Hey! You’re back! You want some eggs? Who am I kidding, of course you want some eggs.” He turned back to the stove and divided the huge pan of scrambled eggs onto two plates where bacon was already waiting.

Steve grabbed a mug and filled it with the already-made coffee in the pot. “Well, somebody’s chipper this morning.”

Sam looked at him with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You know, I am. It’s a beautiful day, I’m an Avenger, and I’ve survived a lot worse than getting dumped by a fantastic girl. Plus,” he added, pointing his spatula at Steve, “I’ve got my best friend here when I need him.” 

“Yep, you do,” Steve said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “You’re really lucky to have such a great best friend.”

Sam threw a dish towel at him. “Quit fishing for compliments.”

“How dare you! I would never!” Steve pretended offense. “Who do I look like — Tony Stark?”

Sam laughed and sat down across from him. It was nice to hear him laugh, especially after last night. He watched Sam as they ate in a comfortable silence, trying not to be obvious about it. 

He hadn’t thought about it last night; he couldn’t when Sam was so obviously hurting. And he wasn’t naive enough to think he was fine now; Sam was doing what Sam did — staring difficult things in the face and daring them to try and keep him down. It was one of the reasons Steve loved him so much.

Fuck, he loved Sam so much. He hadn’t let himself look at it too closely, not when Sam was in a relationship; it would have been too much.

But Sam wasn’t in a relationship now. Sam was single. Sam was sitting across from him at the table after cooking him breakfast, still humming along to upbeat love songs, calling him his best friend. He wanted to blurt out his feelings right that very second, but again, the rational part of his brain stopped him; he figured the morning after a break up wasn’t exactly the best time.

“Shit.” Sam’s face fell suddenly, distracting Steve from his thoughts.

“What?”

“I have dinner reservations booked for this weekend.”

“Can’t you just cancel?” 

“It’s Valentine’s weekend. I got a great deal because I prepaid for everything. Three-course meal, champagne, the works.”

“Oh.” The timing may not be great, but Steve had never exactly been a patient person. “We could go.”

Sam looked up at him with a half smile. “Thanks, but it’s not exactly a hang-out-with-your-buddy kind of place, you know what I mean? I’ll just give it to Sarah and Dorian, babysit Jody for the night or something.”

“That would be nice of you.” Steve swallowed nervously. “But, um, I meant...together. We could go together. On a date.”

Sam opened his mouth, then closed it again. Then opened it. And closed it again. His brow furrowed, and Steve looked down at his plate, pushing the last of his eggs around on his plate.

“On a date?” Sam finally said, flatly.

Steve looked up at him from under his eyelashes. “Yeah? I know it’s not great timing what with...everything, but yeah.” His voice gained confidence as he continued. “I’d really like to take you on a date, Sam.”

Sam stared at him, then burst out laughing, scrubbing his hands over his face. 

“What even is my life?” he mumbled after the laughter finally stopped. He propped his elbows on the table and looked steadily at Steve. “You for real?”

Steve mirrored his posture. “Yeah, Sam. I am.”

Sam sat back and laughed again. “Well, you know, I already paid for this weekend, so technically I’d be taking you out on a date.”

“True,” Steve said, joy welling up inside him. “Of course, there’s still a few days between now and then. I’m sure I can come up with something.”

Sam grinned at him. “You better.”

*****

Steve knew the Valentine’s date was going to be fancy, so he thought it would be best for their first date to be a bit more low pressure, something more his speed. 

(Nat and Sharon forbid him from taking Sam to the diner they went to every weekend. Not that he would have done that even if they hadn’t. He was out of practice, not stupid.)

He found a class on “Myth and Mystery in _Harry Potter_ ” at the Brooklyn Brainery and decided that would be perfect. They could grab an early dinner the little hole-in-the-wall Dominican place Sam liked and then maybe go for drinks afterwards.

The date was perfect. They talked and laughed and gave each other shit and Steve realized somewhere in the middle of it that — other than a slight case of nerves — it didn’t even feel that different than all the other times they’d hung out together in the city. He really should have noticed what he was feeling much earlier than he did.

When they got back to the apartment, Steve walked Sam to his bedroom door and leaned against the doorframe, shoving his hands in his pockets

“So, Sam.”

“Steve.”

“This might be an old-fashioned question, but...do you kiss on the first date?”

Sam shifted a few inches closer. “Depends on how good that date was.”

Steve nodded. “Did tonight pass muster?”

Sam reached out and tugged one of Steve’s hands out of his pocket. “Come over here and find out.”

Steve laced their fingers together and brought his other hand up to cup the side of Sam’s face. There were only inches between them, but he paused, waited, breathing in the smell of him, stroking his thumb across the soft skin of his cheek. Sam’s eyes were already closed as he shifted his weight, leaning farther into Steve’s space and pulling him even closer with a hand on the small of his back.

Steve tilted Sam’s face up just slightly and brought their lips together, so softly, so gently, as if the kiss was made of the most delicate glass that might shatter with just the slightest hint of too strong pressure. The kiss lasted only a moment, soft and sweet, the kind of kiss Steve might have given a shy girl he took out dancing back when he was a teenager, if he had ever had the opportunity.

He pulled back and watched Sam’s eyes flutter open. He took another small step back, dropping the hand that had been holding Sam’s face and squeezing Sam’s fingers gently.

“Good night, Sam,” he said, not caring about how dopey his smile was.

Sam gaped at him for a moment, then tightened his hand in the back of Steve’s shirt and yanked him forward until they were pressed together. 

“Get back over here, you asshole!”

Steve laughed into Sam’s mouth, and their second kiss was anything but delicate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading folks! I hope you had as much fun with this one as I did :)


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